Independence Day Redux

Today as I was running errands with Robert, I happened to mention that tomorrow was a big holiday in the U.S., which is why we couldn't make our normal Friday visit to the Embassy, it being closed and all.

"Which holiday?" Robert asked, nine months into feeling like he has mastered all there is to know about the country his boss hails from.

"Independence Day, the Fourth of July," I told him.

He looked surprised.

"Independence from who?" he asked.

Now it was my turn to be shocked.

"The Brits, Robert."

"You were colonized TOO?" he asked.

I thought that he was putting me on, as he is a super-smart guy about most things, but, then again, why would he know American history? What would it matter? American pop culture pervades the world, not American history.

Plus, unlike most African countries, we were colonized too long ago to even be remotely traumatized by it...many Americans might not even remember the country didn't start out as 'The United States of America' in the first place.

I explained that, like Uganda, the British were our formal colonial overlords and that, in 1776, we did away with all of that with something called the Declaration of Independence.

Of course, because I feel the need at times to probably give people too much information, or more than they are seeking, I went on to babble about Plymouth Rock, the Puritans, the Pilgrims and the Indians, the Boston Tea Party, the American Revolution, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, etc., etc.

He listened patiently but was really only concerned with the practical details.

"So why would the Americans throw all of that perfectly good tea into the lake? What a waste!"

"It was to protest unfair taxing from Britain, Robert, it was symbolic...and it was not a lake...it was a harbor...but anyway...it was protesting" I said.

"And the Puritans left England because they wanted to practice a new religion but the English were all sex-crazy after King Henry the Eighth?"

I have no idea where he got the info on King Henry the XIII...probably in grade school where Ugandans definitely studied British history.

"Well, no, not exactly...I don't think it was because the English were sex-crazy....and King Henry lived a long, long time before that...but it was for religious freedom. Freedom from intolerance and persecution." I explained.

"So how did the Indians get all the way over there? Did they make curries too? Were they good businessmen? Americans shouldn't have killed off all the Indians, it's bad for business, we learned that with Idi Amin, although we didn't kill them," he told me solemnly.

Different kind of Indians, I explained.

He digested all of that for awhile and then asked.

"So why is it that you don't know how to drive here, then? I mean, we were colonized by Britain and we still drive on the correct side of the road...why are you still always trying to get in on my side of the car two hundred years since you became independent?"

I had no answer for him.

"And why do you spell words strangely? We still spell everything correctly here."

I really didn't know that one either...

"So what do Americans do to celebrate their Independence Day where you are from in the U.S.?" he asked.

"Well, in the part of the country where I am from, we gather together with family and neighbors in our backyards for barbecues, mostly, we drink a lot of beer, and at night we set off fireworks that someone purchased illegally from the southern states, sometimes blowing off a finger or two or injuring a small child because they are drunk." I said, half-joking.

Robert looked at me and whistled.

"Madame Boss, you know I love America and you and President Obama...but given that you don't know how to drive or spell correctly, and that your country celebrates its Independence by getting drunk and shooting fireworks at each other...don't you think it would've been better if maybe you stayed colonized a little longer....like Uganda?"

I was about to retract and convince him that I had only been sort-of kidding about the whole Independence Day celebrations part...and that it really was a significant and meaningful holiday, when he abruptly changed the topic to Christmas.

"Americans don't set of fireworks under the crib of Baby Jesus to celebrate his birthday, do they? Because," he said gravely, "you would be sinning against God!"

No Robert, we don't do that. I promise.

What a glorious cultural ambassador I have become these days...

Happy Independence Day.