Relationships

I have come to realize that every couple in the world has some relationship issues that normally play themselves out in a rehearsed dialogue.

We all fight over stupid stuff and all quickly learn each other's "buttons" to push at frequent intervals. Even the most "in-love" couples in the world seem to engage in this activity and it seems so very awful when it is happening...but I think it just might be normal.

Scott and I will always have "the Midwest."

We met and fell in love with each other under the most difficult of circumstances. He was in the middle of a divorce and I was in the middle of convincing myself that I would never meet anyone who was right for me.

Somehow, that didn't seem to stop either one of us from falling for each other.

There were worlds between us.

Because it would have been far too simple for me to decide I couldn't love him because he was getting divorced, has two children, and a job that put him on a constant roll-call to be deployed to places such as Afghanistan and Iraq at a moment's notice...I decided to focus on something else.

"Did you just say 'shucks?'" I asked.

"Yeah, I did, sorry." Scott said.

"OK, tell me again what you are planning this weekend?" I ask.

"Me and Sean (his son) are building a shed for homeless kids in the garage as part of his Boy Scouts project," he reports.

"Are you planning to put in some device that will alert you if a gay Scout crosses the threshold?" "Can you figure out if a Scout is gay because he holds his pinky out while making a slip-knot?"I laugh.

"That is not funny, Patti. Why are you so critical of me?"

I am just kidding, I promise, realizing that I have said something wrong.

"Why do you hate the Midwest so much? I feel like you are constantly criticizing me about something I cannot control."

Scott's from Iowa and I am from Philly via Connecticut. I have a bizarre East-coast sense of humor on some things and he does not.

"I don't hate the Midwest, Scott, I promise."

"Your family is a wreck. You all drink, talk, and fight too much. Everyone is fucked up...but, oddly, very honest," he relates.

"I hate Iowa!" I tell him.

"You don't know Iowa from a hole in your ass...but thanks for the opinion."

"I have been to Minnesota!" I cry.

"Yeah, OK. I am dragging your butt on a long drive on I-29 so we can stop this silliness once and for all" he tells me.

"I won't go!" I tell him.

"Oh yes, you most certainly will!" he fires back.

We slam down the phone.

Then we spend the next 48 hours fighting with each other until we come across a solution.

We want to see each other so badly but that seems to be impossible these days with me living in Uganda and him living in Kansas.

I am in South Africa and have surfed the net for any possible ways for us to meet each other...even though we are in the middle of a horrible fight...and I find cheap airfare to Paris.

I send him the details with a note telling him I cannot speak French.

The next morning, I awake to find that he is going to be in France in six weeks time.

This is a man who always takes me up on my "maybes," no matter how much I crticize him for being too conservative and being from the Midwest.

"I don't speak French either, but I will be there at the airport in six weeks. I love you...you incredible pain in the ass!" he tells me.

I buy my tickets too.

"See you there in six weeks, leave Kansas behind!" I say.

All the time I am thinking...what if he says "shucks" in Paris?

But knowing it doesn't really matter in the least.